The Art of Personal Communication
Personal communications or “inter personal skills” as they are sometimes known are based around three simple principles
How you look
How you sound
How you respond
In this article we will cover how you look and sound; take a look at our article “Attentive Listening” for more about responding (there is a link at the end of the article).
Whenever you have a face to face conversation with somebody (either an individual or a group) you need to make the best of your personal communication skills. Any time you talk to somebody they will unconsciously react to your tone of voice, the speed that you speak at and your body language.
How you say something is more important than what you actually say. Our moods can influence our communication. Being aware of how this works can be turned to your advantage.
However a lack of awareness could have an undesirable effect on your listeners. If you are unaware that a monotone voice will probably convince your listeners that you are bored or disinterested then you are heading for trouble.
How Can You Make the Best of Your Voice?
If you are feeling nervous or dealing with a tense situation then how you use your voice can greatly influence the outcome you get. In these situations you will need to speak clearly and calmly which will give you an air of confidence. Simply being aware of the difference your voice makes can greatly improve the use you make of it.
Here are a few simple tips to keep your voice sounding calm, confident and even authoritative:
Speak at a steady pitch and avoid “singsong” changes in pitch.
Keep your pitch at the lower end of your range (without straining) as a higher pitch can sound grating.
Keep your voice soft and avoid shouting. If you have a naturally loud voice then practice consciously talking softly.
Talk at an even pace and avoid rapid changes of speed. This shows calmness and control.
Pronounce every part of every word. Make sure you say the beginning, middle and end of each word clearly. Mumbling can be seen as a sign of weakness or nervousness and tripping over your words can be seen a sign of haste. Keep it steady
Once you have mastered these skills you will be well on your way to sounding calm, controlled and authoritative.
What Your Body Says About You
We all react on a subconscious level to the body language of people who we communicate with. Body language is not an exact science but something you should approach with a degree of conscious effort. The reason it isn’t exact is that every posture, expression or gesture has to be examined in context. For instance one school of thought says that a person with their arms crossed is “closed”; in actual fact they might just be comfortable that way. However there are some physical signals that you can effect in a positive way to make the right impression.
Be upright. Whether you are sitting or standing keep upright. If you are siting the easiest way to do this is to keep the small of your back firmly supported by the chair. If you are standing keep the shoulders back and feel the weight of your body “hovering” over your feet. To understand how this feels rock forward onto your toes and then back onto your heels and then rock forward until it feels like you are on the “centre” of your feet.
If you slouch with your shoulders down and forward you risk looking fed up, bored or disinterested so stand up and show your authority!
The Eyes Have It
Eye contact is a fantastic way of building rapport. This isn’t the same as staring people out, but giving each person in the room 2-3 seconds of eye contact (assuming you are in a meeting or small training group) will “include” everybody in the message you are conveying. This is just enough to establish contact without creating any kind of a confrontation.
This will probably feel awkward when you first try it but keep practicing and it will feel much more natural and help you engage with your audience.
It is interesting to note that when we use more positive body language we tend to generate reciprocal language from the people we communicate with. So when you see your audience (even an audience of one) starting to sit up straight and make good eye contact with you then you know you have established great rapport with them.
Related articles: Attentive Listening
If you would like to find out more about personal communication then book one of our Well Presented Communication courses or contact us to arrange a tailored in-house session.